I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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