come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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