man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just pee around me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
