she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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