My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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