I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
