i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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