so that wasnt chicken after all
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
