thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
