we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
