I love black thongs
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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