so let's talk penis.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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