i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
