youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
