just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
