u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
