i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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