I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
