you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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