I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
