This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
