She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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