We're like a lot better than the average bears
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
