smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I deserve this hangover.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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