Pappa wants mamma naked
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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