At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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