got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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