Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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