Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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