he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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