she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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