you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
