you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
