alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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