but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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