Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
