he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
