Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
