I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
