wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
