You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
