My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
