I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
