Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
