D3 body, D1 cock
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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