i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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