If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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