she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
