i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
