either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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