i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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