worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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