ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
