I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
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