she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
