i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
