My balls are so social today.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
