Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
