We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
