Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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