i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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