Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
