i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
