Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
