Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
